Sirens . . . a follow up

In October I wrote about Sirens, and how some men can tie themselves to their moral bearings and resist the temptation. Now, a couple of months later I have come to the conclusion that is crap.

At the risk of generalizing, men are not capable of resisting the temptation of something they truly desire. Take Tiger Woods for example. The man is capable of incredible focus and yet he risked everything he holds dear to have sex with beautiful young women. This was not about love or relationship, just one-night stand sex that he desired above all else. He knew the risk, you can tell that by the phone messages he left. But he was unable to resist his desires.

And it doesn't have to be about sex, or the opposite sex. Men can be irresistibly tempted by other diversions that take them away from home and hearth. I know men that will leave their family every weekend to pursue their "sirens" no matter how inconvenient it is to those around them. And it is my experience that their ears are incapable of hearing the voices of those who would dissuade them from their pursuits.

That is the way it has been since the time of Homer, I doubt if we will ever change.

Forget the Past at your Peril

George (actually Jorge) Santayana said "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it". Over the last few weeks my mind has been intensely focused on the past, and I have become more and more aware that I have been repeating my past ad nauseum. I have realized that I have lost a lot of the person I used to be and become someone else. And I have also realized that I miss that old person.

In the interest of not embarrassing myself or others, I will not give specific examples, but what I have learned from all this introspection is that I have made choices, mostly based on keeping my relationships, career, etc. running smoothly with the least possible conflict, that never really accomplished that goal. And yet I continued making the same choices over and over again. To make other choices always seemed to be inviting more conflict, and yet the conflict always seemed to present itself anyway. And it finally struck me what was wrong.

There were always other people making their own choices, people with their own self-interests. And they did not always share my desire to reduce conflict. I had continued to think that I could perform the same action and expect different results. This has been described as the definition of insanity (some say Einstein, some say Ben Franklin, who knows?). I had not learned from my past contacts and associations that being the peacemaker is not always possible. Neither is trying to make your case to people who are never willing to consider your case as valid.

So I have decided I need to slow down, be more considerate of how people have acted and reacted in the past. And as selfish as this sounds, I need to be more insistent that my views and feelings are valid. I intend to find and recapture the person that I used to be, but I expect it to be a journey. As the Chinese say, "A journey of a 1000 miles begins with a trip to the ATM." I may not be quoting that exactly right, but you get the idea.

I will be writing more as the trip progresses, so check back if you're at all interested. If your not, then I'll see you at the end.

My Siren

My soul is alone, adrift on a limitless sea. How many years have I followed the currents, going wherever the tides and wind would push me? Where is my landfall? Where is my home port? It seems like forever since I have had contact with another soul.

Until I hear the call. My once numb emotions are stirred by a tune, a simple melody. What is it? Where is it coming from? I must be getting nearer for it is louder now and more clear. Beautiful words, of a female voice, beautifully put together. What are they saying? The simple words should not stir this type of emotion, but they make me weak. I close my eyes and am awash in her song, consuming and desirable at the same time. I am drawn to seek this singer, in fact I can not resist.

I am captured by her song, a prisoner of her hold on my senses. Questions arise. Should I abandon the safety of my ship to go to this beauty? Can I even resist? And then all questions dissolve and there are no more doubts. I must seek this Siren at all costs. I must surrender my soul to this desire and allow it to become part of me. I am engulfed in her grasp upon my soul, unable to focus, adrift in a state of bliss until I am drained and powerless.

Poor Ulysses, his Odyssey echos the temptations so many men fall sway to. A temptation presents itself, whether it's a woman or anything else, and if he pursues it it could mean the destruction of everything he holds dear. Some men wander through life blind to such things until they jump up, full blown, and take the very breathe from their bodies. Other men believe that they have the strength and wit to survive the peril and follow the song to their downfall. Such men crash upon the rocks and take everything they love down with them.

Some men, like Ulysses, can see the trouble coming. They heed the warnings that others give them, that their own life experience provides. And they tie themselves to their own moral bearings and suffer, straining against the bonds they have put upon themselves, until the temptation subsides. The temptation doesn't pass, only the opportunity to indulge in it. But that will have to suffice.

To Wayback or Not to Wayback

I guess its human nature, at some point in our lives we wish we had a Wayback Machine that could take us back in time to relive some past event and undo the choices we made. We find ourselves wondering “what if I had done this” or “what if I had made this choice instead of that one”.

The past has a way of becoming more attractive with age. Things that seemed unpleasant or even downright terrible at the time the events occurred lose their edge with time. Looking back we tend to remember the good parts and let the bad parts fade from memory. I’m not talking about traumatic events, like rape or death, but about relationships gone bad, family squabbles about inconsequential matters that are never resolved, breakups with high school friends that caused you to lose touch. We tend to remember “the good ole’ days”, even when they weren’t that good the first time around.

And then there are those past events that you look back at and say “What the hell happened?” Why did my life change course so dramatically? Why did I make that decision if I can’t even remember the reason now? What if? Why then? Where would I be now?

But we can’t go back, and if we did we have to consider all of the things that we might, or probably would lose by taking that other course. Other friendships might never have been made, career paths could have been totally different, even children might not exist. So it’s definitely a good thing that time machines only exist in the SciFi world. I don’t believe human beings have the moral and ethical strength to resist the urge to misuse such a device.

Rules To Live By

Feel free to offer your own in comments. These are not necessarily in order of importance.

1. Love yourself – FIRST
2. Never get in a relationship with someone you need to fix
3. Lower your standards
4. Not everything is life-and-death, be willing to settle
5. Never loan something you wouldn’t be willing to give away
6. Use your ears more and your mouth less
7. If you stand out in a crowd it only makes you an easier target
8. Never turn down a chance to learn something new
9. Love people, use things, don’t get this backwards
10. If you are down, help someone else feel better. It’s contagious.

Goodbye Uncle Teddy

If you have been paying any attention to the news about Ted Kennedy's death, you have to agree that the underprivileged, underpaid, discriminated against, and uninsured or underinsured people of America have lost a great advocate. There is a reason almost all the people who knew him referred to him as "Uncle Teddy". He was the kindly old teddy bear to those in need, willing to fight for their rights to have a decent life, with decent pay, and decent health insurance, against the people of means who think little of "the great unwashed".

There is also a reason he was known as the Lion of the Senate. And it's the same reason. He was willing to roar and gnash his teeth in the face of political injustice and in support of those people in need. He was willing to stand up for his convictions, even in the face of political pressure. Such as when he brow-beat President Bush (Dub-ya) about the Iraq War. He didn't accept the premise that it was unpatriotic to question a President in a time of war. He knew that is what this nation is all about and he never hesitated to speak his mind.

Ted Kennedy was a great representative of the people of Massachusetts and all of America. He will be missed. All politicians should set their sights on serving America with as much dedication as him.

Health Care Reform

Let's forget which party we belong to for a minute, they all lie. They all bend to the loudest lobby or the one that will promise the most votes or campaign money. You and I take a distant back seat when it comes to your Congressman making a decision on our behalf. But this issue is too important to simply throw up our hands and let them make their backroom deals and leave us hanging.

There are many interested parties who don't want things to change because it will mean they don't get to make as much money. Or they will have to be honest about how they make it. Or they will simply have more work to do. But if you, or anyone you know or love, is one of the MILLIONS of people in this country without any form of health care, or with restrictions on the health care they have that will not allow coverage on the health problems they have, then you understand the need for change.

A lot of people have never felt this because they are well-to-do, or they have never been without a job that provided coverage. If they were forced to live under the fear that one broken leg could cost them everything they own, they would think differently about the problem. Our Congressmen can not comprehend what it is like to live paycheck to paycheck with no wiggle room for an illness that will cause them to be out of work and unpaid.

There are a lot of downright lies being spread by people with all types of agendas. The pharmaceutical companies are pretending to be willing to change, while they are making backroom deals to make sure they don't have to compete on prices. Sarah Palin and Newt Gingrich are telling outright lies about "Death Panels" to scare people and make Obama look bad. Well, they can play their politics but we can also tell them we aren't going to take it any more.

In this day of instant access and information, we can out-voice the lobbyist. Whatever your views, email your congressman and tell him how you feel. Tell them that you want them to do this right, you want them to do it for us the voters, and not for whatever special interests are courting them.

And if we find out later that they sold us out we need to vote the SOB's out of office. We can send a message in the next election that we are sick and tired of being taken advantage of.

Climbing down from my soapbox,
Dave

Politics -- Yech!!!

I think Congress should pass a law that politicians can be removed from office if they act like politicians. It's okay to act like a politician while you're trying to get elected, but after you're in office you've got a job to do. And all this posturing, calling of names, placing blame, etc. does nothing to help the hundreds of thousands of people who are out of work, don't have health insurance, and are threatened with homelessness or bankruptcy.

Mister Congressman, I don't care whether you're Republican or Democrat, sit your butt down and work out some solutions. Find some common ground and get something done.

Blog from 09/12/07 - moved from Yahoo

Spam Mail - Hmmmmm
I get tons of spam every morning that I routinely delete without a thought. The subject line makes it obvious it's junk, so I don't waste any time with it. But this morning there was one that made me stop and think. The subject line was

"Now you can have sex ten times a day."

All of a sudden I was thinking about the chiropractor bills for my back. The orthopedist bills for the tendinitis in my wrist and elbow. And the lawyer fees from my divorce.

It just didn't seem worth the trouble.

Blog from 9/07 - moved from Yahoo

Love - What Does It Mean?
A friend asked, "What would we do without the word love?" INDEED! What would we do?

This has been a minor peeve of mine for some time. And I am just as guilty of it as anyone else. We overuse the word and thereby cheapen it's meaning. Many cultures have multiple words to convey different types of love; to define the depth of feeling, whether it is personal or familial, spiritual or sexual. We use one word to cover a huge range of emotional feelings.

I love my job (You don't hear this one very often)
I love my boyfriend/girlfriend
I love carrots and peas
I love God

We are far too quick to tell someone we love them when we start a new, emotionally charged relationship. When in reality what we are feeling is euphoria brought on by a surge of hormones. We should be saying something like "I am really turned on by you, I enjoy your company, our conversations, and I really like being around you. But I don't know if I love you yet."

When the hormones slow down, when the relationship cools, when the conversation has turned into how your day at work went, if you can still say "love" and actually mean it then you are approaching the true meaning of the word. The true meaning should imply a sense of oneness. A feeling of being less complete without the other person. Perhaps we should reserve using the word love until we feel those types of feelings, and we would all hear much less of it.

I enjoy my job
I really like being with my new boyfriend/girlfriend
Carrots and peas are one of my favorite foods
I love God

Save it for when it really means something.

Climbing down from my soapbox.

Blog from 12/14/07 - moved from Yahoo

Never Too Late
��� I work for a non-profit that raises funds through the efforts of volunteers in chapters all over the country. They have to pay dues and other invoices to us and some are better than others about getting their money to us in a timely manner. Almost invariably the excuse they use when we call them about past due amounts is "but we're just volunteers". Up until now I've had to accept that gracefully and ask them to do better.

But now I'm a short-timer. I am leaving this job in less than three weeks. WTH do I care whether I massage their egos anymore. So this guy calls me today and goes off on me as soon as I answer the phone. "what are you doing charging us finance charges, don't you know we are volunteers and they have to take care of their REAL jobs before they take care of paying us." When I try to answer him and explain that the finance charges accrue automatically and that I can credit them off he interrupts me and continues to bitch about how we are stealing charitable money by charging them finance charges.

Well, he picked the wrong day. I just buried my uncle yesterday, I have another job waiting for me, and I don't have to take this sh!t anymore. I said his name over and over until he finally stopped talking and said "What?" I told him that they probably shouldn't volunteer to do a job if they didn't have time to do it. I told him that the finance charges have been on his statements since June (its now December) so why is he just now noticing them. And I told him I didn't appreciate him calling me up and yelling at me without even waiting for me to explain the situation to him. He just said "OK" and hung up. So I figured the next call would be to my boss.

Instead he called back about five minutes later and apologized for calling and going off on me. He asked me if we could do something about the charges if he mailed a check today and I told him we would. He said goodbye and we both hung up.

I should have done that a loooooong time ago.

Politics - yech!!!!

I think Congress should pass a law that politicians can be removed from office if they act like politicians. It's okay to act like a politician while you're trying to get elected, but after you're in office you've got a job to do. And all this posturing, calling of names, placing blame, etc. does nothing to help the hundreds of thousands of people who are out of work, don't have health insurance, and are threatened with homelessness.

Mister Congressman, I don't care whether you're Republican or Democrat, sit your butt down and work out some solutions. Find some common ground and get something done.

Dick Cheny is the Devil

I can't believe that the Republicans are still using scare tactics to keep people in line. Worse, I can't believe it's still working. There really is a sucker born every minute. They make a bunch of noise to scare people into thinking that Obama is going to release the Guantanamo detainees and people believe it. I'm totally amazed.

A large part of those people should never have been there in the first place. The ones who were locked up with cause would just be moved to maximum security prisons where they could never harm anyone.

Every day I am forced to wonder whether the human race will ever evolve beyond it's basest animal instincts. Even the "christians" and "muslims" and "jews" whose religions all tell them to be tolerant and forgiving exhibit none of these traits.

The Meaning of Life

For some reason, it seems that important things in my life happen in threes. I know this is an old wives tale but it seems to be true. Well, over the last week I have heard the same question three times, so it triggered a train of thought that I decided to share. I don't have the answer to the question, only questions about the question.

The question, in different forms, was "Why are we (human beings) here?" What is the meaning of Life?" "What is our purpose on Earth?" These seem to me to be just different ways of asking the same thing.

The questioners always seem to have a religious purpose for asking this question. So the real questions would seem to be, "What is God's purpose for man on earth?" or "What is God's plan for me?"

But what if I don't believe in God? Then do I really need to wonder about my purpose or reason for being alive? Why would I assume that there has to be a purpose or a reason for me to live? My existence is a matter of trillions of acts of chance that have led up to me being alive. Some people would call this a miracle, but is it a miracle just because the odds are high?

So my answer to the question has to be . . . "What reason?" The reason is chance, nothing more or less. The purpose is what you decide to make it. You can do nothing consequential in your life and when you are gone no one will miss you or remember you. Or you can make a difference on people's lives and you will have had a purpose. But the purpose will have been one of your making, not a divine purpose.

Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

I usually don’t talk politics or religion to people I like and respect because both tend to cause hard feelings. They seem to be topics that people are unwilling to bend on, and once they have an opinion they will defend it tooth and nail.

But after eight years of incompetence, meanness, and downright lies I feel that Obama is a breath of fresh air. He is honest to a fault and I believe he honestly wants to make partisan politics a thing of the past. He understands that Bush and the Republicans left us with a terrible reputation around the world, a trillion dollar deficit that the Republicans passed through Congress and Bush rubber-stamped, and that the Republicans stripped away almost all of the regulations and regulatory agencies that would have caught and stopped the current financial crisis.

That said, now that I have blamed the “other guys” and pointed my finger directly at them, I feel that we all, as Americans, not Democrats or Republicans, need to work together to get out of this mess and if we continue to point fingers at the “other guys” then we are not any better than school children. We should all work together to work this out, quit taking sides and harping at each other. It’s okay to disagree, but if you’re going to disagree then offer a better idea, don’t just blame the other person or party for being wrong in an attempt to make them look bad.