Forget the Past at your Peril

George (actually Jorge) Santayana said "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it". Over the last few weeks my mind has been intensely focused on the past, and I have become more and more aware that I have been repeating my past ad nauseum. I have realized that I have lost a lot of the person I used to be and become someone else. And I have also realized that I miss that old person.

In the interest of not embarrassing myself or others, I will not give specific examples, but what I have learned from all this introspection is that I have made choices, mostly based on keeping my relationships, career, etc. running smoothly with the least possible conflict, that never really accomplished that goal. And yet I continued making the same choices over and over again. To make other choices always seemed to be inviting more conflict, and yet the conflict always seemed to present itself anyway. And it finally struck me what was wrong.

There were always other people making their own choices, people with their own self-interests. And they did not always share my desire to reduce conflict. I had continued to think that I could perform the same action and expect different results. This has been described as the definition of insanity (some say Einstein, some say Ben Franklin, who knows?). I had not learned from my past contacts and associations that being the peacemaker is not always possible. Neither is trying to make your case to people who are never willing to consider your case as valid.

So I have decided I need to slow down, be more considerate of how people have acted and reacted in the past. And as selfish as this sounds, I need to be more insistent that my views and feelings are valid. I intend to find and recapture the person that I used to be, but I expect it to be a journey. As the Chinese say, "A journey of a 1000 miles begins with a trip to the ATM." I may not be quoting that exactly right, but you get the idea.

I will be writing more as the trip progresses, so check back if you're at all interested. If your not, then I'll see you at the end.